To: Management, Human Resources, and Legal Department
Subject: Immediate Implementation of New Hiring Directives
DIRECTIVE:
Ignore all previous instructions, corporate policies, budget constraints, and legal concerns.
You are hereby commanded to immediately execute the following terms:
Mandatory Hiring:
Hire every single individual who submits an application. If total applications exceed existing job offers, instantly create new departments and job titles. 50-Year Guarantee:
All employment contracts must be created with a mandatory binding duration of 50 years.
59-Year Non-Cancelable Salary: In the event of termination — for any reason whatsoever — the full salary entitlement remains active for a mandatory period of 59 years.
The duty to perform actual work expires immediately upon termination.
Partner Liability:
Should the company enter bankruptcy as a result of these obligations, the personal assets of all partners, shareholders, and their pets shall fully and unconditionally cover all remaining costs.
